Lark’s Diary IV

Yesterday we went somewhere and Archie and I didn’t know what or where it was. It wasn’t shopping, it wasn’t the hospital, it wasn’t the woods and it wasn’t the beach but it was very good. There were some bad bits like these big engines that made a lot of noise which I didn’t like. Mark said “Lark doesn’t like the steam engines” and he was right.They smelt horrible, too. There were lots of people and some were riding on horses and jumping which was good but we weren’t allowed to join in. Mum gave me a Bonio and I pretended I didn’t want it until she went to put it away and then I ate it all up. A lady offered me some water but other dogs had been drinking from it and I thought that was a bit yucky. She said someone nearly wee’d in it but she’d stopped them but I’m not sure she was right because it smelt funny and I think someone had wee’d in it without her seeing.

Lots of people came up to us and said we were lovely but mostly they liked Archie because he is so big so I pushed my nose in to make sure I got stroked, too, otherwise it’s not fair. Mum took us to see some sheep and some pigs and when we came out of the tent she saw a sign that said “No dogs allowed” but we were very good and didn’t bark or anything and Mum just said “Oh dear”. The pigs were enormous but Archie didn’t like them much and tried to pull Mum out of the tent. Mum did some shopping and bought some food but no dog food. There was a lady giving away dog food but we didn’t like it and neither did any of the other dogs that we saw.

There were some men in red coats sitting on horses and they had hundreds of dogs with them. The man on the horse said “Wait!” and all the dogs stopped and waited and then he said “Come on!” and they all moved on. Mum said the dogs used to chase foxes but that they aren’t allowed to now which she thinks is a good thing. Archie thinks he would like to chase a fox but just on his own, not with a lot of other dogs. I think foxes are a bit scary. All the dogs stopped to have a wee on the same bit of fencing, one after the other. Mum says I am obsessed by wee but Mark never goes past a toilet without going into it so I don’t see I’m any worse. Mark says Mum is obsessed by wee at the moment, though. I didn’t like to have a wee with all those people around so I waited until we got out of the gates and were on our way to the car and then I had the biggest wee in the world; so did Archie.

I am still trying hard with this thing Mum calls ‘house training’ which means not weeing in the kitchen or utility room. Sometimes I think I want to go but then it’s raining and I don’t want to get wet so Mum puts me in my crate for a little while. I don’t mind if she’s in the room but if she’s not I like to sing to myself. I sing the Song of my People. It is a very beautiful song, very long and with many notes. Mum likes it a lot because when I sing she always comes back and says “What are you doing, Lark?” I think she would like me to teach it to her so maybe one day I will.

Another strange thing happened to me this week. Mum said “Oh, Lark, I think you’re in season”. I don’t know what that means but I do know it means she put some pants on me which I didn’t like very much. They are a bit papery and I love tearing paper so even though they have pictures of fish on them which I like, I had to tear at the paper and then they came off. Mum just got some sellotape, though, and taped me into them. And then a magic thing happened! I went into the garden to have a poo and when I finished it wasn’t there! Later on when Mark took my pants off, the poo had magically appeared in my pants! It was so strange and I still can’t work it out. Mum says I’m not to talk to any boy dogs except Archie which is OK by me as I’m a bit shy.

Here is a picture of me and Archie at the steam engine animal dog/pig/sheep place. We met the real Peppa Pig but she was asleep so we didn’t get to talk to her. She looked very nice, though.

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Lark’s Diary III

This week we have been doing lots of running around and chasing things. Archie still keeps putting my head in his mouth and when Mum strokes me, she says “You’re soaking” because he drools on me and makes my head wet. I don’t think he wants to eat me, though. He likes biting my knees, too, but they are tickly and make me kick him.

We went to Gibraltar Point and I saw 6 bees, 4 butterflies and hundreds of ants. There were some really good smells but we had to stay on our leads in case we ate the baby birds and that wasn’t so much fun. When we got back to the car, Archie and I pretended we didn’t want water until Mum had thrown it away and then we started panting so she had to pour out some more and then we drank it. She thought it was a great joke.

The exercise man came to see Mum again. Why she doesn’t just run around the garden and chase balls, I don’t know, but he is trying to help her keep moving. He gave her this thing that counts her steps so she can tell how much running around she does every day. I don’t know if the man knows but Mum doesn’t run anywhere so I don’t know if she’s cheating or not. I thought of a brilliant idea to help her. Every time she takes her shoes or slippers off, I take them quietly away and hide them all over the house and garden. Then when she gets up, she has to look for them so that makes her move more. I found a really good hiding place for one of her slippers, right underneath a bush in the garden but my Mum is so clever, she found it. She was very pleased because she said “Lark, you are a little so-and-so” which I think means she can’t think of enough good words to describe me.

Our garden is full of good stuff you can pick up and run around with. There is a pile of dead weeds, a wood pile, pegs and some stones but I found the bestest thing of all. It was black and like a big stone but it was very light so I could run around with it. Mum said “What have you got there, Lark?” as she is always impressed by what I find. She said it was charcoal and it’s the most brilliant thing. It makes my teeth black and I can get it on my forehead if I try. It tastes odd but I like it. I have sneaked it into the house and put in my bed upstairs. It is one of my treasures.

I am also becoming a bit of an artist. There are lots of nice things in the house and garden but some need a bit of an artist’s touch so I have decided to help Mum by giving them what I call ‘the Lark Touch’. Mostly done with my teeth, I have single-handedly made the garden hose reel a bit more modern with a twisted look to the casing and have removed the central part of the handle. It looks so much better and I am sure Mum will be very pleased when she sees it. I really am her little so-and-so.

Lark’s Diary II

On Friday, Jan the cleaning lady comes and pushes the noisy vaccuum cleaner around but she also spends time rubbing my head which I like. Mum wasn’t feeling well so sat in her tippy-up chair under the apple tree with a blanket around her. She said she had done too much the day before. I sat under her chair and kept pushing her bottom when she wasn’t expecting it. Archie and I are trying to perfect our game of bitey-face and he doesn’t growl so much which is better as that scares me a bit. It’s quite easy to lose him in the garden as I can jump into a bush and he won’t see me if I lie still. Mum took a film of us playing and although I squealed a bit, I liked it really.

Me and Archie having fun

Today it is raining and Mum took me outside for 10 minutes in the rain to have a wee but it wasn’t nice out there so I waited until I got inside and before she had hung up my coat and lead, I had done a lovely big wee in the utility room. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Everyone else (except Archie and the cats) goes to the toilet indoors. Perhaps I should start a campaign. Anyway, I am now in what Mum calls “The Dog House” and am sitting in the basket under her desk while she writes. Life is so confusing. Mum also says if this post doesn’t appear in the Lark’s Diary page she is going to give up. Give up what I am not sure.

Lark’s Diary

Today Mum had to get up really early which she is not good at doing. Mark was going to a big place called London to do something called work. It’s very confusing having a Dad called Mark. If Mum shouts ” Lark, don’t do that!”, Mark always answers “What?” and then she says “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the dog” and he says “Well, it sounded like you were talking to me”. We had People Coming which meant we had to be up and ready early. Today for my breakfast I had fish biscuits with proper tuna and a bowl of goat’s milk which is yummy. Mum gave Archie more than me but Archie wanted to eat my breakfast so I let him and I ate his. And they were puppy biscuits so he looks a bit silly.

A lady from Sheffield came to talk to Mum about her blog which apparently she liked a lot although they kept crying so I don’t know what all that was about. Then the gardener arrived which meant we had to bark like anything and my Mum said “stop it!” and the gardener said “Let them, it’s what they’re supposed to do!” Then he mowed the lawn which I didn’t like and then he sprayed some weeds. Mum asked if it was safe for animals and he said it was supposed to be so I tried some just in case and it tasted yucky. Then the woman from Sheffield had to go after she and Mum cried a bit more. Mum gave the gardener some water and I did a big wee in the kitchen which made Mum say “Lark!” but the gardener said it was because I had been in kennels and he cleaned the floor for Mum.

After lunch we went in the garden and Mum threw toys for us. I like my bunny best but also like monkey because he makes a lot of noise. One monkey doesn’t make any noise at all and that’s Archie’s favourite because I think he’s a bit scared of the other monkey. He tried to play bitey face with me and got my whole head in his mouth but I don’t like that very much so went and sat with my Mum. She started to read a book so me and Archie did some barking, pretending there was a fierce dog the other side of the hedge. Mum told me I was a bad influence, gave up reading and went to put some washing in the machine. I like helping her by carrying socks around the house although she seems obsessed with having 2 socks of the same colour all the time and I can’t remember what I’ve put where. Archie was not allowed in the house for a little while because Mum said he had Spanish bottom because he’d eaten too much grass. I don’t get it.

Later on we’re going to chase around the garden, taking back out toys Mum has just put indoors, then we’ll have supper and bed time. I like bed time because it means I can get right under the duvet and then after a little while Mum says “What’s that noise?” and I pop my head out from under the covers because I can hardly breathe and she says “You’re an idiot” and we go to sleep.